Why Do We Get Into Dysfunctional Relationships That Mirror Our Childhood?

Children idealize their dysfunctional caregivers in various ways. They do this by creating a fantasy of who their caregivers are. They literally tell themselves lies, make up stories in their mind about how wonderful their caretakers are. They exaggerate their caretaker’s strengths to minimize the deficits or abuse as a way to survive the dysfunctional system. They tell stories to themselves about how wonderful their father, mother or caregivers are so that they can be sure to omit the abuse adapt and carry on.

Are You Living The Life You Were Programmed To Live Or The Life You Were Born To Live?

Did you grow up in a childhood where you spent the majority of your time taking care of your caregiver(s) needs? Instead of your parents meeting your needs, you found yourself sacrificing your needs to take care of your parents?  Your parents were self-involved, more worried about their own needs and wants that you were neglected or ignored? This kind of parenting is known as narcissistic parenting.

EMDR Opens A Window To The Brain

Over the past two decades, the use of eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) therapy has provided researchers and clinicians with the ability to observe how symptoms develop and can be rapidly treated. Over 20 randomized studies have demonstrated positive treatment effects, and EMDR has been declared an effective trauma treatment by organizations worldwide, including…

Digital Attachment Trauma

We are embedded in a critical age of what I am going to call digital attachment trauma. It is with much sadness I witness parents on their digital gadgets while their school-age children are either on their digital toys as well, or they are bored and staring at their parent consumed with Facebook, Twitter or…

Are You A Functional Adult Or An Adaptive Child?

Are You An Adaptive Child? I am the child who had to adapt to the crazy dysfunctional family I grew up in.  I did a great job of negotiating the narcissistic parenting I received. I made sure my parent’s sibling, or pet came before me. This seemed to calm the stormy waters which were a…

Rants From The Adaptive Child… Boundaries

What are you talking about.. boundaries? What the heck is a boundary? What do you mean? Where you begin and I end? I don’t know what you are talking about? I was violated physically, sexually, emotionally, mentally.  I learned I was the abuser’s property. I couldn’t say NO. My thoughts and my feelings belonged to…

Rants From The Adaptive Child… Needs

What are your needs? Do you mean meet other people’s needs? My kids? My partner? My dysfunctional parents? I remember taking care of my parents when  I was a kid. Is this what you mean? I don’t know what my needs are. I get hungry. I get tired. Is this what you mean? Sometimes I…