Name it- Don’t Blame it!

Children who grow up in dysfunctional family systems do not develop emotional EQ.  They miss important developmental milestones because they are busy putting all of their energy into survival. This leads to children who grow up to become Adult children also known as the Adult Child.  If you grow up in  a home where your…

Relationships and Regulation

It’s interesting how so many dating advice sites and popular dating books ask women to stop being needy, or never act needy, or remain aloof. But what a lot of these self-help articles for dating and relationships miss, is how important it is to turn toward our partner, be honest about our feelings, and then…

Trauma and Attachment

Finally, studies are showing that those with insecure attachments have a tendency for preoccupation, minimizing negative partner traits, idealizing the partner, staying anxious until the partner returns and therefore staying in relationships that do not provide security far longer than necessary. Is this Codependence? No. According to new MRI studies, we now know that to…

Christmas

Holidays are difficult for most people, never mind those of us who do not share the warm and fuzzies with family, or once did, but for whatever reason, don’t now. There are things you can do to make this time easier: Volunteer anywhere. Reaching out is the best way to forget about your problems and…

Having A Bad Day? Nurture Your Little Self

Call on your Wonderwoman / Wonderman. Call on your protector part of self or your nurturing part of self. Self soothe. Breathe. Practice mindfulness. Focus on your breath. Distract yourself. Practice a pleasure activity. Be with a friend. Pray. Spend time with a pet. Colour. Focus on your goals. Do one thing that you can…

Political / Social Action

“The solidarity of resistance, we cannot do this alone. The power to change the way people think and what people do comes out of small groups of people who care about something to try something new.” Judith Herman Fight back. Stand up. Write a statement about what happened. Read it to your therapist. Start a…

External Resources

Do you have a safe place to live? Is your partner/room-mate supportive? Can you count on them? Do you have enough income to support yourself? Do you take care of yourself and include a physician and dentist as part of your self-care? Do you eat at least three regular healthy meals a day which include…

I Don’t Believe In A Loving Force

For those of us who have experienced complex trauma, the idea that something greater than ourselves could be somewhere out there in the abyss (so to speak), is absurd. After all, for some of us, our caregivers were the only greater we understood and it was not so great. Moreover, that greater was the power…

Self Destructive Behaviors

Why do we pick our skin? Why do we pick our scalp until it bleeds? Why do we pull our hair, bite our fingers nails until they are raw, bleeding and down to the bone? Why do we cut? Why do we starve ourselves? Why do we eat too much? Sometimes we play video games…