Adaptive Skills Learned in Childhood

What are the skills that you learned in your childhood that helped you meet your needs? For example, did you become the class clown to get attention from your caregiver? When people laughed at you did you feel special? Do you remember finally getting the attention that you deserved? Some children adapt to their family…

Why Do We Get Into Dysfunctional Relationships That Mirror Our Childhood?

Children idealize their dysfunctional caregivers in various ways. They do this by creating a fantasy of who their caregivers are. They literally tell themselves lies, make up stories in their mind about how wonderful their caretakers are. They exaggerate their caretaker’s strengths to minimize the deficits or abuse as a way to survive the dysfunctional system. They tell stories to themselves about how wonderful their father, mother or caregivers are so that they can be sure to omit the abuse adapt and carry on.

Are You Living The Life You Were Programmed To Live Or The Life You Were Born To Live?

Did you grow up in a childhood where you spent the majority of your time taking care of your caregiver(s) needs? Instead of your parents meeting your needs, you found yourself sacrificing your needs to take care of your parents?  Your parents were self-involved, more worried about their own needs and wants that you were neglected or ignored? This kind of parenting is known as narcissistic parenting.

Rants From The Adaptive Child… Needs

What are your needs? Do you mean meet other people’s needs? My kids? My partner? My dysfunctional parents? I remember taking care of my parents when  I was a kid. Is this what you mean? I don’t know what my needs are. I get hungry. I get tired. Is this what you mean? Sometimes I…

Parts of Self Trapped in Trauma Time

What are parts of self? Do I have parts? Does everyone have parts? We all have different parts of ourselves. You likely have a part when you talk to your kitty, and another part when you talk to your boss, partner or friend. These parts are not rigid – they are flexible and malleable. You…